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Stop asking ‘How was school today?’ To raise successful kids, ask 7 questions instead
“My child won’t tell me anything about their day!” It’s a common concern I hear from parents in my psychotherapy office. They’re hoping to gain a glimpse into their child’s world. But asking “How was school today?” usually leads to a one-word answer.
As a therapist and the author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do,” I encourage parents to ask questions that are thoughtful and spark meaningful conversations. When kids reflect on their experiences, they practice skills like emotional awareness, problem-solving, and empathy, and develop a growth mindset.
Here are seven questions that lead to productive conversations while also helping kids grow mentally stronger:
1. ‘What was the best part of your day?’
This question encourages kids to scan their brains for positives. For children who dislike school or tend to focus on what went wrong, answering this question helps them build optimism and gratitude — which are both protective factors for mental health.
Frame the question with your own experience, saying, “The best part of my day was going for a walk during my lunch break. What about you?” Your child might share a highlight, like, “I played kickball at recess.”
2. ‘What’s a mistake you learned from today?’
This one normalizes errors and celebrates healthy risk-taking. Talking openly about mistakes reduces shame and helps kids see them as opportunities for growth.
Ask with a tone of curiosity, not judgment: “Did anything happen today that you’d do differently next time?” This might prompt them to say, “I forgot my library book so I’m going to pack it tonight so I don’t forget.”
3. ‘Who were you proud of today?’
It works because it turns their attention to others and cultivates empathy. You will also gain insight into your child’s relationships and what they value.
Make the question more specific by asking, for example, “Did you see anyone try really hard at something today?” Your child may talk about a friend who was brave or might give themselves a pat on the back and say, “My friend forgot her snack so I shared mine.”
4. ‘What’s one thing that would have made today better?’
This question helps kids identify feelings like frustration and disappointment without dwelling on those experiences. It naturally opens the door to problem-solving and planning.
You can ask in a fun way, such as, “If you had a magic wand to change one thing about today, what would it be?” This can lead to creative ideas, like, “I wish there was more time for my art project so maybe I’ll bring it home to finish it.”
5. ‘Who did you help today?’
You can empower kids to engage in prosocial behavior with questions like this. When you ask regularly, kids begin to look for opportunities to be helpful and acts of kindness become second nature.
Ask about small acts of contribution: “How were you a helper today?” They might remember something simple, like, “I helped the teacher pass out papers.”
6. ‘What was the most interesting thing you learned today?’
It emphasizes curiosity over academic performance. Showing interest in the learning process itself fuels lifelong learning.
Encourage kids to talk about what they learned aside from just their subjects. They may share a fun fact, like, “I learned that my teacher knows how to play the violin.” Show interest and ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.
7. ‘What’s something new you’d like to try?’
This nudges kids to look outside their comfort zone and encourages them to be courageous. They don’t have to be good at something in order to try something new — it’s a learning experience.
If your child hesitates to try new things, encourage an experiment by asking, “Is there a club or activity you’re curious about just trying once?” They may be more likely to explore if they know they don’t have to stick with it forever.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of several books including “13 Things Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Feel Good, Act Brave” and “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do.” Her TEDx talk “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong” is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
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